Do I Love Him? OR The Idea Of Him?

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When you say you love someone what does it really mean? Every time we say “I Love You” to our significant other are we really saying we love them or we love that they are there?

Nowadays the “term” dating is pretty much non-existent. To refresh the term the trial period when you first meet someone and you do activities together to see if you really like the person enough to introduce them to family and friends, and commit yourself to them. It seems that in our modern world where people are screaming less tradition and less emotion the more willing we are to throw ourselves in a serious relationship without really getting to know a person.

Is it maybe that we really want the situation and the person is irrelevant? Or is it more important to fully commit and figure the person out later on?

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Lately, someone asked me why I don’t have a husband yet? And I thought maybe because I wasn’t looking for one. I thought less of the term “husband” and more a life companion. Someone who enhances and matches me so much that I need the marriage or the relationship to have the person. But then I wondered am I being unrealistic? And then what about that term “you learn to love someone” is that really true? Can you learn to love someone once you fully commit to the relationship? And what if the actual person comes but they don’t fit the cookie cutter stereotype of the husband should I still commit and love that person anyway?

I wondered as we age are we settling for the title, the house, the security, and that cute couple profile picture on Facebook to have a relationship instead of real, ridiculous, time-comsuming “I can’t live without this person love”

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And, if we do claim that it is love that we are feeling is it the actual love for that person or the immediate validation they give us by being “around”. Are we getting in relationships to prove that we are normal because there is someone who is always there to put up with us.

Have we become so comfortable with someone being there that we actually overlooked the actual person inside of the façade?

Happy Sunday
Signed, AnUrbanGirl


  1. Very thought provoking question…

    I will say this, it is way easier to love an idea than an actual person. Ideas are beautiful, flawlessly perfect and locked away in a time insulated vacuum untouched by the reality of an ever-changing world.

    A person, although equally beautiful, is beautifully flawed, constantly changing and Infinitesimaly redefined.

    It takes a lot of effort to distinguish between love of the idea and love of the actual person… and people are generally emotionally lazy ;o) lol

    NoOne & EveryOne

  2. This piece really makes you think! Great read! And i really love mines. I have ask myself some of those same questions. Thank you for giving me insight!

  3. I think in the past I was more love with idea versus the in love with the person. I really wanted to believe that I really really loved them, but it seems it was more the idea of them, considering I overlooked so many things that I really didn’t like or love.

    Nowadays, I actually want more than the idea of being wth someone. I also desire for someone who has more than a desire for an idea of who I am but rather of who I really am.

    1. I think that is so true for so many of us as women. We are taught at an early age what love should “look” like that we sometimes forget. Thanks for sharing boo! 😊

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