I let that word spin around in my mind for months as I tried to detangle all the shit I had stepped foot in over the past year. Addiction to things, situations, and relationships. Thinking, we all condemn the alcoholic or the dope fiend but do we all at some point suffer from an addiction. Do we unconsciously plant ourselves in situations, with people, in places that feed our addictions on purpose? And, if we really all are addicted to something do we consciously know and can it be healthy. Because there really isn’t any “10step programs” to break you off of toxic relationships can we really free ourselves from them forever?
I tossed and turned with my addictions and a solution. No, I wasn’t addicted to drugs ,alcohol or food. I was addicted to a certain kind of man. I was addicted to all the wrong guys, the boundary pushers, the suave charmers, the push you all the way into your feelings and then leave you high and dry kind of brothers.
I knew this, yet and still I dated them, slept with them and formulated a life with them without question. They found me opened up my veins and poisoned me with their love and I openly and willingly accepted knowing that once that high wore off I would feel terrible. And, just like any addict my addiction became worse the insatiable need for just 1 more dose pushed me into situations that compromised my sanity, economic stability, friendships, reputation and my physical safety.
How does a fiend know when enough is enough?
That is the question an addict of anything faces when they hit a low and, for me this time I not only hit a low I crashed down into it and was forced to change.
When I first started researching different kind of relationships I have always found synonyms to describe a toxic relationship but never a solid definition that I felt accurately defined what one was. So I decided to create one.
A Toxic Relationship is one that stops the natural evolution of growth (spiritual, financial, emotional), one that contaminates thoughts, feelings, actions with doubt and depression. It is a relationship that is ridden with guilt, hidden agendas, regret and secrecy.
HOW TO LET GO OF YOUR ADDICTION
The process of letting is always hard. The letting go part will be harder for you than it will be for the other person. Please believe that, this process will be an act of re-training your mind to get ready for change and change will be hard AT FIRST.
Step1: Before you even utter a word out loud to the other person you must sit down and
figure out what you want from the situation with yourself.Do you want to be at
peace? Want to be Happy? Free? Do you want more independence? What is it that you
want? Make that promise to yourself to get it and follow through.
Step2: Let go! I don’t care how you do it but alert that person that it is over
Step3: ACTIVATE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM
If you feel like you don’t have one maybe it is because you have distanced
yourself from others to continue in this relationship. But suck it up call your
friends and family apologize and be honest. A sure sign of any toxic
relationship is secrecy, be open. Get what you need you can’t do this alone.
REPLACING PAIN WITH PEACE
Now it is time to do some work. Now is the time to clean up and make amends for all that brokenness that has taken place. Just like any physical mess we create that we cleanup, it is time to clean up the emotional mess that has been created whether you feel like it was your fault or not you have to take responsibility, own it and get rid of it.
Step1: CLEAN THEM FROM YOUR SPACE
This could mean deleting and blocking them on ALL social media.
This could be removing their items from your physical space.
Deleting the texts, deleting the call logs, voicemails everything GET RID OF IT!
Now I understand that there are some people we can’t all together remove. We may share children with these people, work with them or whatever but we can remove all emotionally heavy stuff pertaining to the relationship.
Step2: UNLEASH YOUR INNER BRAT
Lavish yourself. If you can afford it go buy yourself those new shoes you have
been eyeing. Go grab your favorite snack, curl up and watch your favorite movie
or TV show a thousand times.
Get dressed up, go out and have some fun, laugh, be reckless.
Step3: ACCEPT YOUR MOOD SWINGS
During this process you are going to be feeling all types of stuff. Don’t get
caught up on it. Our feelings come as a reminder to us that we are alive and still
thinking rational people, accept it. Do not give any positive or negative thought
to these feelings or moods. Let them run through your mind accepting that it will
pass and let it go.
It takes practice but what you are doing is controlling your mind and once mastered
it is powerful. Do not judge the things that pop into your mind, embrace them
then let it go.
REBUILDING YOUR LIFE
After you have Let Go, and cleaned up, now is the time to build and move on. This is the phase where those goals that you have sat down and created for yourself should start to formulate. How do you do that? Well let me give you couple ways how you can start…
Step1: PRACTICE YOUR ROLE
While in school it was advised that we should study lessons and practice for
every test we took. With life it happens different, if you are unprepared life
will throw you the test then give you the lesson later.
While we cannot prepare for everything that life throws at us
we can predict and prepare by practicing the things we feel weak in. Temptation
always knows when to knock when we make the decision to grow. In this case that
addiction will try to walk right back into your life and start again, practice not
giving in. Literally, practice what you are going to say. Try to predict how you are
going to deal with those emotions. Who are you going to call to vent, how are you
deal with that situation because it WILL happen. Whether it is with that person, or
someone like them. Our military invests millions of dollars on training soldiers
mentally, physically and emotionally for events that has not happened yet because
they know if a solider is untrained they could be seriously hurt. PRACTICE IT MAKES
Step2: SET NEW BOUNDARIES
Start to be honest with yourself and everyone else about how you wanted to be
treated. Be honest about what you really need from a relationship. Do you want your
partner to bar hop with you? Do you need a spiritual partner? Or Someone to travel
with you? We all need different things from our relationships and we owe it to
ourselves to get them. How do we get them? By being honest from day one with the
new people who come into our lives about what we want. A toxic relationships starts
by keeping secrets and hidden agendas no matter how small. So be open and willing to
be rejected. But, be strong enough to keep looking for what you really need.
Share, Like, Comment and lets start some healing.
Be Blessed Beauties